That prick Rudd. Who does he think he is?

It's nice to see that Australians are being treated properly again; That is, with suspicion and heavy monitoring by the government. It should come as no surprise to anybody that England's former prison continent is now facing a broadly-censored Internet, guided by the caring, compassionate hand of beloved leader Kevin Rudd.

Rudd, who has spent many years learning from politicians in Beijing, recently discovered that the Internet is a filthy, dirty place. Feeling the need to protect the delicate eyes and minds of his country (which was incidentally founded by murderers, rapists, and arsonists), Rudd immediately took action and declared that Australia's Internet would be cleansed of all “indecent” content. “Indecent”, of course, is a term that will be defined solely by the Australian government, so it doesn't take a genius to see where this course of action will lead to. I mean, there's no possible way that the government would abuse its newfound powers, right? It wouldn't use its newly bestowed omnipresence to block websites that were, say, critical of governmental policies. No, that would be an abuse of power, and we all know that politicians are good, honest people.

Heaven help you if you try to opt out of the censorship. I mean, come on. They're only blocking filth and perversion. You're not the kind of person to go to those kind of sites, are you? I bet you are. You filthy pervert. Anybody who would want to opt out of government “protection” is obviously up to something, so you can bet your deviant ass that your uncensored line will be monitored. Can't be too careful these days, right? You shifty-eyed weasel.

Take my advice – Start bookmarking good proxy services and look into getting satellite Internet. If you value your privacy and free speech, you're going to need to be proactive. Then again, maybe you should just let big brother watch out for you. There's just no way that the average citizen can protect himself from the big, scary Internet.

-Bipartisan Bastard.